Charltoons

2007-12-02T15:02:00.000Z

Hello You.

It is with great regret that I announce this page closed as a blog.

Time constraints have limited me from contributing anything over these past few months, so it seems sensible to cease posting for the time being.

Look out for the occasional flyer, toon or video which may be hastily slapped onto the page, and of course continue to visit my toon page @ Deviant Art. A new podcast will be posted during December...

So long folks...

2007-11-04T19:01:00.000Z

Apologies for the 'sweary', but this is poetry...

2007-10-23T08:23:00.000Z

Shin's Line-Up for Plymouth tonight at the Valley...

Weaver

Mootoo
Forch
Sodje
Mills

Thomas
Reid
Semedo
Zheng

Todorov
Iuwelumo

Subs: Randolph, Racon, Varney, McCarthy & Sankofa.

Prediction: Charlton 2 Plymouth 1
(albeit via an outrageous penalty decision)

2007-10-16T17:13:00.001Z

2007-10-16T17:09:00.001Z

2007-10-01T19:57:00.001Z

Now then, I've been devoid of inspiration and quite busy, and on holiday and also fairly lazy so I have nay bothered drawing any Charltoons recent-like.
But with ideas like those bellow is it any surprise I haven't been arsed..?

Colchester 2 Charlton 2

Grandpa Sheringham and Baby Lis team up to go ahead at Layer Road

Reidy in form

"I attribute my recent performances to Pards' new Argentinian signing- Fray Bentos"

Pug Ugly Pugilist

Iain Dowie takes on Charlton in pugnacious mood after defeating Man Utd in the cup.
Coventry 1 Charlton 1

See how I've glossed over the Luton game.

Hull away tomorrow night...me and Mrs Shins are babysitting, so for once I'll be able to plonk myself in front of Sky Sports and watch the footy.

Prediction: Hull1 Charlton 2

Toodle-oo, y'rascalaat.

2007-09-30T22:15:00.000Z

2007-09-30T22:11:00.001Z

I'm too lazy to write owt...so here's a Vic & Bob sketch...

2007-09-26T22:14:00.000Z

Oh dear...

Luton 3-1 Charlton (aet)

League One Luton knocked Championship Charlton out of the Carling Cup thanks to extra-time goals from Matthew Spring and Drew Talbot.

The visitors were ahead after four minutes when Dean Sinclair bundled in.

But Steve Robinson brought Luton level with a stunning volley after David Bell's corner had been headed clear.

Ex-Watford midfielder Spring completed the turnaround, heading in Darren Currie's cross on 105 minutes, before Talbot wrapped up the win.

Oh dear oh dear...

Man Utd 0-2 Coventry

Mifsud is congratulated after Coventry's opener

Championship side Coventry sprung a major surprise by sending a re-shuffled Manchester United crashing out of the Carling Cup at Old Trafford.

United boss Sir Alex Ferguson changed his entire team from Sunday's win against Chelsea and paid the price.

Coventry, backed by 11,000 fans, went ahead after 27 minutes when Michael Mifsud turned in Michael Doyle's cross.

And Mifsud killed off United with 20 minutes left, firing high into the net after Jay Tabb fashioned an opening.

Coventry V Charlton
Saturday 29th September

It's a big one

2007-09-10T19:48:00.000Z

So, The Guardian Football web pages run a weekly Gallery, in which readers submit and have displayed their puerile football-related artwork.

I've contributed a few times now, scooped some nice little prizes and felt the childish buzz of having my work displayed on the Guardian website.

Anyway- Last week's Gallery subject was KASPER SCHMEICHEL.

And I submitted this:
'Unlike his Dad's red faced rants,
Kasper's anger showed in his pants'

Imagine my surprise, when this arrived in my inbox:

Hi,

Really sorry your entry didn't go up this week - what actually happened is that our lawyers intervened, suggesting that your picture could be interpreted as implying Kasper Schmeichel has a venereal disease, and telling us that we wouldn't have any legal defence if he sued us. To be honest I think it's an absolutely ridiculous line of argument, but our editor is away at the moment, and without him about it's very hard to argue calls made by the legal department because if anything went wrong we'd get in a load of trouble.

As I say, really sorry because a) I liked it and b) I suspect it took you a lot of time and effort. Once Sean is back I'll see if he's willing to have us put it in belatedly, but in the meantime I hope you won't be too offended to continue sending us stuff in future because we all love your work!

Best,

Paolo

Words fail me!

2007-08-30T14:39:00.000Z

Man City's leg crunching ex-Addick right back Danny Mills signed on 4 month loan deal to help solve defensive crisis.

Reading's imposing defender Sam Sodje in talks with the Addicks to help solve the err..defensive crisis.

Shin's prediction for the weekend: Palace 2 Charlton 2
(4 own goals)

2007-08-29T18:31:00.000Z

Latest Addicks rumours...

Derby's Robert Earnshaw on his way to the Valley after only just signing for the Rams. Is he really that bad?

Celtic'sout-of-favour 34 year old centre back Steven Prestley on his way in a vain attempt to teach McCarthy an Fortune how to put the ball into touch.

Amdy Faye is off to Birmingham, because he's tired of being a big lazy fish in a little mercury contaminated pond.

More rumours to follow as the transfer window slams shut on the fingers of destiny...

2007-08-28T21:00:00.002Z

Wah Wah Waaaaaahh....

Charlton 4-3 Stockport

It's OK, the defensive buffoonery that was on display in this cup tie was just a warm up for when we play the clowns on Saturday. Charlton, boring? Fugedaboutit!

2007-08-28T17:58:00.001Z

RIP Antonio Puerta

Spain's 22 year old international defenderPuerta has died after suffering a heart attack in his club side Sevilla's win against Getafe on Saturday.

RIP Ray Jones

QPR's promising Under 19 England international striker Jones died in a road traffic accident last week.

Feel free to leave your memories, comments and tributes below

2007-08-26T21:04:00.000Z

I love Lumo

I'm not obsessed, honest.

2007-08-26T14:20:00.001Z

Iweluuuuuuumo soaring through all the galaxiiieeees

2007-08-25T20:36:00.001Z

"I'm Hot Owl Pie crusher!"*

So Chris McLumo/Lumoburn/Big Yin, whatever nickname will settle, came up trumps today and thumped in two goals against Sheffield Wednesday to win the game.
Cack defending invited an out-of-form Yorkshire outfit to go into the interval 2-0 to the good. However, Pardew had some tricks up his sleeve (Yeah, Alan, can we start the first half by scoring three next time please?) as he brought on Zheng and Todorov, the former instrumental in the Addicks recording their first league win of the season.

Instant hero status for Iwelumo and another game in which Andy Reid proves his play-making and goal scoring credentials against mediocre opposition. Great also to see Zheng back doing what he does best, terrorizing the defence and unselfishly teeing up his team mates.

This is what the team needed, this is what the fans needed. Now that we know we can score goals, the only concern for Pardew now is how to plug the shockingly leaky defence.

Next up, Stockport on Tuesday, completing a month of 'S' teams and hopefully an injury free route into the next round...Lumo's surely got to start this one.

*It's an anagram of Christopher Iwelumo

Addicks 3 Owls 2

2007-08-23T21:25:00.001Z

That's Entertainment

I have here the September issue of 'Uncut' magazine with Paul Weller on the front.
This issue boldly boasts of containing "30 Modfather classics chosen by an all star panel".

Essentially it has a run down from thirty of some of Weller's solo work, his hits with the Jam and The Style Council by fans of a more illustrious, musically talented, poetic and influential force in the music industry...Oh, and Simon Jordan.

What I love about Simon's, sorry, Steve's (Uncut hilariously gets the git's name wrong) no. 16 listed choice 'You Do Something To Me' is that the song is the most flat lining, drab, 'I can fly higher than an eagle' pop love ballad that Weller ever produced. Don't get me wrong, it had great chart success (No. 9) and makes it onto most budget CD 'Love Albums' and I'm sure is a heart felt written melody, but it is whiny and an atypical Weller song.

Jordan really shows his New Romantic persuasions for me here. I've read his comments on The Specials and 'Mod' music (HIS words not mine!) in various musical journals but let's be honest, this greased up self-adoring Fop is an ex flock of seagulls, feather ruffed Spandau twonk.
He just is. Look at him. He's no more a Mod than I am a Pink Lion. Jordan speaks as if he goes round to Weller's gaff on a Sunday afternoon to jam and talk about Tricker's Brogues and the influence of the Kinks in modern music. "He's a serious guy" Jordan comments, with what you expect to be followed by "but not a seriously rich guy, like me. Look at my new watch"

This smug self publicist is truly shown for what he is with the final line: "I still listen to his (Weller's) music all the time. I've got about 15 cars, and there's a copy of Snap in all of them"

Jordan: Knows everything about "p*ssing on stairs and travelling on buses" apparently.

2007-08-23T17:29:00.001Z

"So Jon, why did you decide not to join Stoke?"

Stoke 2 Charlton1

2007-08-12T20:26:00.000Z

Marcus Brigstock, I salute you.

Atheists Unite!

2007-08-12T09:49:00.000Z

PARD'S DE JA VU

And so, with the excitement of the first game of season 2007-8 now faded, many have a chance this Sunday morning to reflect on their team's performance.
An indication of what is to come? A freak result? A rusty team of newcomers struggling to gel?

For Charlton fans a frustrating mix of old heads, nervy newcomers and that much maligned leaky back four.

Pardew selected a back four of Mouta, McCarthy, Bougherra and Thatcher and he must have smelled the essence of de ja vu from yesterday's performance from the two new centre backs.
With Diawara defecting back to France, under the secretive midnight telephonic whisperings of ex. Man United sweeper Laurent Blanc, it was left to perhaps the second choice pairing of Paddy and Madjid.

Big Bald Bent managed to pop one in during the second half to give the Addicks a seemingly deserved lead, following some unsure mutterings of sub-standard officialdom from the men in black-Mr Kettle and the lines person having discussed the laws of off-side before allowing the goal.

Soon after, it was Scunthorpe who seized on Charlton's ever familiar lead-footed defending from set pieces as defender Iriepken headed home the equalizer, much to the elation of the away fans who impressively filled the entire Jimmy Seed stand.

Pardew must surely be having flashbacks to last season when, with much of the season beyond saving, the defensive central pairing of El Karkouri and Hreidarsson came to form a comical double act. One a skill full attack/absent minded North African, one a lumbering heavy legged Neanderthal. Sounds familiar? It's all just a bit of history repeating...

Charlton 1 Scunthorpe 1

Plus ca change!
(The more things change, the more they stay the same)

Thanks to my undercover Addick contact for the match report

2007-08-10T13:55:00.000Z

Here's one for you:

DANNY MURPHY TO JOIN LEICESTER

This, one of my favoured football rumour headlines over the past few days.
So, Mr Celebrity could be joining our old hero Radostin Kishishev for next season! Re-united and it feeels so good. Eh Dan? Ah, there's nothing I enjoy more than seeing a money grabbing mercenary's career nose dive so dramatically as our Danny's seems to be.

Well, then Mr McLeod and Zheng join the Valley ranks to bolster our strike force and midfield further still. McLeod, a prolific striker in League One with MK Dons comes with a good reputation and...and...strikes a resemblance to a certain Darren Bent.
Look:

McLeod: The new Bent?

What is particularly interesting about Izale's recruitment is that, with Todorov, Iuwelumo and Varney (when fit) presumably the first choice three, with Dickson and Walker in reserve (or out on loan) it puts Marcus Bent in a precarious position.
Big Marcus hasn't exactly set the world alight since his £2m move from Everton and does come across as a bit of a Big (Brother) Time Charlie who probably feels that he belongs in the Premiership. I just wonder whether he'll be sold to pay for McLeod and allow Pardew to usher in his new young eager strike force. I don't feel that we'd miss Big Bent if he did leave, he has never really endeared himself to the Valley faithful, and although I think he is a truly Championship standard striker- an offer to Derby, Birmingham or 'Boro would surely entice him.
Get your cheque books out chaps!

Great news that Zheng Zhi has signed too. There were rumours that the China captain was interesting the likes of Birmingham and some US league teams, but I think Pardew has done well to win Zheng's signature. His trademark runs into the box from midfield will surely give us the energy and 'legs' that the manager was mentioning his squad needed.
The other element to this transfer is the huge financial potential that comes with signing a player from the far east. Zheng's fan base will follow his movements religiously and with shirt sales and Charlton paraphernalia being sold in their thousands , the board must be rubbing their hands at the very prospect.

Zheng: Smiling like a Chinese cat

So, Scunthorpe tomorrow. No matter if these two are not ready for the opening game, Charlton have plenty of strength in depth and I feel Pards has his ideal line up, with exception to the injuries to Luke Varney and Matt Holland, ready for Saturday 3pm.
I think a 2-0 win will do it, courtesy of Reid and Ambrose.

Get in there!

2007-08-10T13:48:00.000Z

SHIN'S CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS
No. 7 in an occasional series

Jeremy Guscott

Outside a restaurant in Bath arguing with a bloke about something 'being ridiculous'

Guscott: Bloody ridiculous

JON SNOW

Tucking into his hostess' hors d'oeuvre in a swanky Bath pad

Snow: Mange Tout

2007-08-06T21:09:00.001Z

New Podcast: http://www.podomatic.com/media/listen/August07.mp3

2007-08-06T19:27:00.000Z

Right then...

Firstly, 'Sir' Ian Blair must surely rank as one of the highest serving yet most bumbling incompetents in the thirsty of Da Police, Innit?
Dubbed 'Mr Bean of the Yard' this knighted Panjandrum has STILL not been held accountable for a series of catastrophic blunders and cover-ups. The most recent high profile example being that of Mr Jean Charles De Menezes, the innocent Brazilian civilian shot dead by a shoot-to-kill policeman before he could board an underground tube train. Blair is one of those people, like John Prescott, whom you scratch your head in wonderment at the fact that someone so blatantly out of their depth is still so powerful.

'Im lickle fool bwoy gone mash op de 'ole systim wid 'im bloodclart tinkerins.

Foot & Mouth is back. No, not the awful Doncaster-based comedy double act of the 1950s-The bovine based health scare.
Apparently the virus/disease/ailment was caused during the recent floods, where it would have been carried in the water from a laboratory testing on it.
Whatever happens, tragically more cows will be slaughtered, and the farming community/industry takes ANOTHER severe body blow this year.
One thing is for sure though, The Archers won't be short of a storyline for a good few weeks!

Heard about this...'Armed America'?
It's basically a book with photographs of American citizens posing at home with their beloved fire arms. Take a look for yourself...

"Yes, these are machine guns Spidey"

Good grief, do me a bloomin' favour! Football has dodgy transfers, racist chants and chairmen held at gun point...

Cricket?

Well, Cricket enjoys 'Sledging' and 'Jelly Bean' scandals. Shoot. me. now.

Charlton suffered their first loss of the so far successful pre-season campaign. FC Braga, managed by ex Porto-cabin and Addick loanee Jorge Costa nicked a 2-1 win, with Pardew putting out a strong team with a nice clear indication as to who may be facing Scunthorpe this Saturday. Seems Ambrose is effective in the centre, Semedo likewise, Mouta a great find, and Todorov a potential Jeffers.

Good new too that Jon Fortune, Andy Reid and Jerome Thomas have all signed contract extensions and will be (hopefully) fighting for the cause this season. Rumours that Marcus Bent and Diawara are due to leave are still circulating. And as it stands, no concrete news on who the two men Pardew is after are. A midfielder and a striker I understand...

Anyway, here's my team for Scunthorpe:

Woops! Sorry don't know how that got in there...HERE is my team:

Weaver

Mouta
McCarthy
Bougherra
Thatcher

Ambrose
Reid
Semedo
Thomas

M.Bent
Todorov

Subs: Randolph: Diawara: Faye: Iuwelumo: Sinclair

I'll leave you with some fancy Shakespeare quote then.
(Just to make me look smart)

"Thou whoreson mandrake, thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels"

Mandrake

2007-08-01T18:11:00.000Z

IIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt's AUGUST!

And summer finally feels like it's here.
Welcome summer, come on in, take a seat, care for a chilled glass of Bordeaux?

All go at the Valley. Ex Barnet midfield Ragamuffin Dean Sinclair signs for the Addicks as Pardew looks to the future with a more energetic midfield. Plus he still wants two more before Scunny in two weeks time.

Derby want Jerome Thomas! For £3 million! Now if that's not a step down, I don't know what is.
And spare a thought for Kevin Lisbie, 12, who is being given a lollipop and colouring book by the slightly too chav riddled Championship battlers Colchester as we speak.
Rumours abound that Silly Diawara is eyeing his passport wistfully and hoping to do one to...funnily enough-Bordeaux. Must be the wine.

Pards has an interesting dilemma on his hands in central midfield. It seems that, given past events Holland is a mainstay in the centre...But wait! Who is this? Jose Semedo, Portuguese, versatile and talented has been turning in impressive performances in friendly games and may well be a pivotal figure this season.
Darren Ambrose too has publicly announced that he'd like to be the one kicking Jonathan Greening and Lee Hendrie up the arse next season. At least, I think he said kicking anyway.

So, what do we have? An embarrassment of 'CMs' for the 2007-8 season, it would appear...or does it? Have we got a consistent, effective defensive or attacking central midfielder in the ranks, who can seriously do battle with the likes of Hull and Scunthorpe on a wet windy Tuesday evening? A Portuguese debutant? An effeminate winger? Matthew Holland? Amdy Faye??? Do me a favour!

I think one of those 'two signings' of which Sir Alan P speaks of could well be a bruiser, a battler, a work horse, a Goliath...Lee Bowyer anyone?

I'm ordering my ticket for Swindon Away on Friday, £12.00- the ticket costs, Bargain! I can't wait for a extra time/penalty spectacle, and a 1" write-up in the Sun.

Ah, here's a funny story...

SUMO CHAMPION SUSPENDED FOR PLAYING FOOTBALL WHILE 'INJURED'

Read it here: http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,,2139378,00.html
Well, it's good if only for the above photo. Look at that baby's face!

Meanwhile, back in Bath...We have an non paying guest at chez Leaburn.
The wife and I have the most extreme pleasure of the occasional company of a BATH TRAMP who comes and goes in the wee small hours from our basement. Flippin' ace.
I've phoned the housing people and they can do Bugger All about it, they won't even fit a lock. So tomorrow I'm putting this up on the door to the basement:

"FAO: THE SUB-BASEMENT DWELLING VAGRANT. THERE WILL BE A PADLOCK ON THIS DOOR AS OF 5pm THURSDAY 2nd AUGUST 2007. I SUGGEST VACATING THE PREMISES BEFORE THIS TIME OR RISK BEING LOCKED DOWN THERE. YOURS, THE LANDLORD"

See how the wee soaked alcoholic takes to that!

Now then, Ska lovers, Reggae enthusiasts, Rocksteady skankers-Get ready for the NEW podcast from a little known DJ/Podcaster called SkaFace. Due out on THURSDAY PM it'll be packed with boss dance hall crashers from The Upsetters, Lloyd Charmers, Derrick Morgan...You get the idea. Just click the link on the right hand side----->

RIP King 'Double Yoker' MIKE REID

2007-07-25T17:00:00.000Z

Streaky is off to Holland

To escape the Valley bores

He's off to meet Dutch women

I hope he avoids the whores!

2007-07-25T16:31:00.000Z

Well, Captain Marvel is off then. He's had his medical, he's watched them play, he's agreed his wages...He's off to play for...MIDDLESBROUGH!

hahahahahahahaaa!

Dream move, Mr Young?
Yes, I'm sure it is. The North East is a glorious place to work and no doubt your mediocre performances for 'Boro will be overlooked by the England camp. A real step-up, yes Sir: No relegation scrap for Luke next season, no drubbings against Blackburn or Villa, no lack of adoration from his adoring new fans.

The fact is, Luke Young has been desperate to get out of the hell hole that is SE7 for a good few seasons now. He disliked Curbs, he felt like a Big Fish in a muddy puddle, he felt he deserved better than the captain's armband at a modest, honest little football club.

The question is, will the team miss him? Will the fans miss him?
The answer, come 3pm on the 11th August 2007, will be a resounding "Luke Who?"
The fact that Young never particularly endeared himself to the Valley faithful will perhaps explain the lack of disappointment felt by many compared to when Darren Bent left for North London. Many had an inkling that the Addicks captain was biding his time before a 'big' club came in and signed this steely 'Galactico'. Well, el Capitan, here's your club...those tolerant Boro fans wait your arrival amidst a crescendo of fan fare.

Give me strength.

2007-07-25T15:43:00.000Z

2007-07-22T15:12:00.001Z

2007-07-20T13:30:00.000Z

Friday, a well earned day off for Mr Shins.

We have guests of honour this weekend in the form of my best man, mate and brother- A, and his girlfriend. Lot's to catch up on since the Spain holiday. We're off to watch the Harry Potter film and then grab some ale and veggie grub. It promises to be a good weekend. Shame the weather isn't behaving itself. I heard the other day that this is the wettest July for 150 years. Blimey, I need a new mackintosh!

I've been cleaning our flat in preparation for the weekend, and have been accompanied in doing so by the diverse if un-hinged sounds of my hero, Slim Gaillard. Slim can help you through the day and access parts of the brain otherwise un-used in those without a surrealist Jazz goblin cerebrum.

Slim pickings

Naughty BBC. Naughty. First you behave in a manner worthy of execution by *GASP* showing a group of hacks a trailer that had been edited out of sequence showing the Queen 'throwing a huff'.
THEN you go and have your cover blown in the 'We'll record a programme, show it a week later then have a phone in competition in which no-one but the tea boy gets to actually compete' scandal. OUTRAGE! 'Flagship' charity programmes such as Pudsey Bear Punching, Jive Aid and Manual Relief have all been investigated and exposed as having staged fraudulent phone-in competitions. BE-HEAD THEM ALL!

Pudsey: Nasty punch up with the boss

Apologies for being a bit light on the Charltoon toons recently folks, but you do understand there isn't an awful lot to write about at the moment, don't you?
I'm holding off until I have actually witnessed the hilarity that will doubtless be 'Lumo' tripping over his own feet and blaming Weaver, Powell stopping halfway through a touchline chase and having to have a bit of a lie down...and of course- Marcus Bent.
ROLL ON AUGUST!

D.Murphy...rumoured to be on her way

No news on the midfielder front then Alan? I think most of us are half expecting a 'creative' midfielder to pitch up in SE7 at any moment...but all is quiet.
I would have liked Hendrie to have signed, but for someone bizarre reason he's just signed for Sheffield United and we never seemed to show the slightest bit of interest in him, even when he was being carted round every ground in the country in the vain hope of grabbing a contract.
Another name mentioned in the rumour mill was Hayden Mullins, but all is quiet there. We've also been linked with McLeod, a striker-But it seems unlikely to me as we seem to have a good crop of goal getters.
One name I did read about, then subsequently eat my own finger, was Danny Murphy! Remember him? If that tubby, mercenary, flapjack sailor of the Tin Pot Galleon comes within a mile of Charlton I will eat the rest of my hand. I like to think journos have a bit of a sense of humour, so I'm putting this one down to a slow, caffeine and Soliataire fuelled day in the office.

OK, I have to go iron now.

It's a sort of life!

2007-07-20T12:07:00.001Z

2007-07-09T10:22:00.001Z

HE'S BACK WITH A SMILE

HE'LL NEVER THROW IN THE TOWEL

HOPE HE STAYS A LONG WHILE

OUR HERO: CHRIS POWELL

2007-07-09T09:01:00.000Z

Well, well. I leave the country for 9 days, and what happens?

BENT DOES ONE TO SPURS
I can totally understand why 'The Gent' made a move to a Premiership club, let's face it, this was always going to happen once we got relegated.
The boy needs to be playing top tier football, he needs European football, he needs international recognition- He certainly deserves all those things.
But what I can't understand is; Why Tottingham?

After all, I was under the impression that he was a Gooner. And forgive me if I got this bit completely wrong but Arsenal are DESPERATE for a 20 goals a season striker. With Henry now in Spain hob-nobbing with Ronaldinho et al, it seemed to me that a move to Arsenal would be a dead cert. Bent could have been the prefect replacement for Henry, and a snip at £16m! He could have been playing for his boyhood team, playing in Europe and not overlooked by the England bureaucrats. But he chose Tottenham, and with that is a likely hood of an UEFA cup second round knock-out, fledgling England players leaving them for a big club, years of mediocrity and the most exciting prospect being a local derby with Arsenal, the very team I feel he should be turning out for.

Still, I sincerely wish Benty all the best. I certainly would not have wished that he'd be starting against Scunthorpe United next season. I hope he scores tons of goals in North London, makes lots of new chums and FINALLY gets a break in the England squad. After all, Tottenham are taken MARGINALLY more seriously in the England camp than Charlton.

Eh? And what's this? Lisbie may sign for Reading??!! Good grief, if there's ever an injustice in the world!

Beeny: Reading to make big boob over Lisbbie

New signings Todorov and Weaver should nestle in nicely to a Championship squad, they won't set the world alight, but they can do a job I suppose. It's funny how one's expectations drop when your club drops a division- If Charlton had signed these two last season, I would have been kicking myself in my own gadgers. But they, like the other chuggers we've signed for the forthcoming slog seem IDEAL for Charlton at this time in their history.

Interesting how Pardew had cleared out ne'er do wells like Herman, Talal, Lisbie and Hughes-The sort of players you could imagine are in their element in the Fizzy Pop League, but have been left to fodder, and more bizarrely been SIGNED by clubs and are going to be PAID for their on-field hilarity next season.

There's nowt queer as soccer, as they say.

Hughes: 'Offers from Premiership clubs' apparently

It seems me and the missus brought the sun back with us. I read with interest (and not one sign of humour) that England was deluged with rain over the latter part of June/early July. But, global warming doesn't exist does it? Does it? Well of course it bloody does you deluded cretins in the White House. Much of Yorkshire was under water for the best part of three weeks, the government are FINALLY doing something about sorting it out...yes-they're taking up a shipment of Imperial Leather so those dirty northerners can have a bath in it. Actually, that was probably a bit disrespectful, but I wouldn't put it past Mr Brown to take that measure. The north seems so overlooked by Parliament, and Labour were so slow in reacting to this crisis, a mini Hurricane Katrina if you like- You remember, when Mr Bush and his monkeys ignored that fact that thousands of poor black Americans were dying in treacherous conditions?

Ah, Alastair Campbell you absolute stink fister of a man. Your book is out. Hip fecking hooray.
It's essentially a tome to his nuddy bum sliding partner Mr Blair and does not include the well publicized rows with Gordon Brown, it does not deal honestly with the assumed WMD in Iraq, or the 'sexed up' dossier which became a pivotal manuscript in Mr Blair's presentation to Parliament. John Humphrys gave Campbell a grilling this morning, and how did the greasy ex journo-turned spin doctor react? With charm, and spin, denial, faux friendliness and SPIN. Why must these useless spineless come marching back on the scene with their media circus? Why couldn't this moron just retire on a sheep farm in Yorkshire and watch as his entire flock are washed out of their fields with days of heavy rain? I suppose even if that had happened, dear old Alastair would have gathered his soggy lambs up, stuck them in the drier and pressed the button that spells SPIN. A leopard never...

Campbell: Stink Fist

Oh, and a quick apology to Mr Al Gore. In a previous blog I questioned your motives behind your outspoken views on Global Warming and suggested that you were not particularly forthcoming with these opinions when you were running for office.
Well, I've since watched An Inconvenient Truth, and I've read a lot about you and your work and I've noticed that your Live Earth concerts are designed to raise awareness of a worldwide crisis, and not line your pockets or the artists performing.
Good on you, Algernon. Keep up the good work. Why did you not become President? Because you were to damn intelligent, eloquent and honest for the Southern hicks who are the voting majority in the US.

RIP George Melly

2007-07-09T08:25:00.000Z

Ahoy!

I return to the blogosphere after a two week sabbatical. Missed me? Hmmm.

Me, the missus, my brother and his missus spend just over a week in Guadamar, near Torrevieja, Spain and had a splendid time. We had a couple of days left, so we visited Wells and Wales.

Here's some photographs...

2007-06-14T13:33:00.000Z

HELL BENT ON LEAVING

Well, after two seasons of goal scoring magic, our hero Darren Bent is leaving Charlton.
Looks like The Egg will finance the move for ex boss Curbishley to swoop for the 23 year old marksman, that is of course if Spurs don't ship out Defoe in order to finance a move.
Bent is sure to score goals wherever he ends up and his down-to-earth attitude and tireless commitment is bound to serve him well at his new club.
It is of course a shame that we could not keep hold of him, but being realistic about his situation he needs top flight football in order to further his career. No doubt had Charlton have stayed amongst the elite he would have stayed for at least another season. The feeling I have is that, under Pardew Bent would have become an even better player and could have helped us to a European challenge. But the directors dithered and brought the right man in too late. That's football Jim. You either take your chances and reap the rewards or you faff about like a ninny and get dumped on your Khyber.

Good luck Sir Bentleman The Gentleman, may goals bring you much success (and Charlton £18m!)

2007-06-08T14:09:00.001Z

Napoleon Dynamite and the Numa Numa

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2007-06-08T08:34:00.000Z

So here are the 'Big Three' so far signed by Charlton before their grueling Championship slog next season...blimey it only kicks off mid August! I can't wait to see these accomplished journeymen chug around the pitch at Scunthorpe or Hull for 90 minutes. To be honest, they seem the men to do just that. I mean, can you honestly see (should they stay) Ambrose, Thomas or Marcus Bent being arsed to chase a lost ball against a hard as granite Barnsley defender on a sodding wet Wednesday? Ha! That'll be the day! They couldn't even be bothered to do that against more illustrious opposition.

I'm afraid that with the new wave of Charlton fans (i.e. those that only knew us as a Premiership side and seem to think we've always been there and have a God given right to be there) came a new wave of Charlton player- the 'all frills and no gonads' type of player we saw in Rommedahl and Bothroyd.
It is time, fair Addicks to get used to the likes of Windass and Horsfield, and forget the silky sexiness of Ronaldo and Henry.
Those days are gone...for now.
We have to graft hard, get behind those men in red, wherever they may travel and help them get back to the big time, where, as many a nouveau haddock will tell you, is where we belong

Bringing up the rear: Paddy Pants

My mate Dunny's nephew Luke: 20 a season?

Scotland B's power-horse: Lumo

2007-06-05T20:12:00.000Z

It's Spring Cleaning Time Down At The Valley:

Out with broken chairs, swing ball set, broken Frisbee
Away from SE7 skulks under achiever Lisbie

The man who couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo
Has been told "Pack your bags, get out, you can go!"

Shut the door on the way out, don't dawdle or dally
Say your goodbyes to all at The Valley

Life should not be hard Kev; sign on the dole
Finding a new employer it's like scoring a goal

Go join a gym, start jogging, get fitter
You're out on your rear, you've missed your last sitter

Although you're departure has been on the cards
No contract extension gifted by Pards

Farewell now young Kevin, mind how you drive
Check the post daily for your P45

All will be well lad, you've got two quick feet
It won't be long till your signed by The Fleet

Pardew's back from his holidays tomorrow...who's next...?

2007-06-04T19:23:00.000Z

They say you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear...SO WHY THE HELL IS DANNY SPILLER BEING GIVEN A TRIAL AT CHARLTON???

The Gills wide boy, sorry--wide man is 'dahn at Sparra's Lane' being put through his paces with a view to a permanent deal. Gawd help us. This is the man that couldn't break into the Gillingham squad this season, the man who nearly signed for Millwall, the man who looks like he collects ASBOs as a hobby.

Charlton, little Charlton, minuscule Charlton are yet again being linked with the dregs , the drop-outs, the reprobates.

OK, so Jimmy Hufflepants, Omar Pouso, Amdy Faye and Djimi Traore didn't work out--expensive mistakes yes, but blimey Charlton raise the bar a little!

Granted, a team needs one or two 'journeymen', a few green behind the ears whippersnappers and a genuine nut-case (we'll miss you Hermann) but come on...we're favourites for promotion next season and I tell you this now, you can't win nothing with Chavs.

2007-06-01T15:59:00.001Z

2007-06-01T10:07:00.000Z

Upon receiving news that Sir Radostin of Kishishev is not having his contract renewed, I thought I'd write this:

Ode to Kish

Who would have thought after an unsuccessful trial at West Ham
That a rational man such as I would grow to become your biggest fan?

Signed as a right back, converted to a midfield terrier
Your spirited performances made us all the merrier

When you'd run like a maniac for an hour and a half
A defence splitting pass would make one man cry, another laugh

A more dedicated player we may never see again in SE7
Sometimes you could have carried on running till quarter past eleven

You took stick from many naive big-mouth fans of Smertin
Even when you were the one grafting, tackling, sweating and hurting

And when the celebrity party money grabbers defected
You'd still get stuck in, run for your life and have shots deflected

Radostin, you are a hero to many a man who witnessed your game
And personally speaking your departure is a crying shame

Just make me one promise Kish, please deplore us
When you line up against us next year, don't be one of the scorers

Farewell to a Legend

2007-06-01T10:01:00.000Z

2007-05-29T07:56:00.000Z

LISBIE next out the door?

Kevin Lisbie, still trying to find the door marked EXIT.

Well, with an exodus of sorts under way at Charlton, it's rumours ahoy in the tabloids regarding some of our lovable underachiever's next moves.

Herman gone, Carson gone, Song gone, Zheng gone, Kish going, Thomas to Brum? Bent to Spurs? other Bent to Yeovil? Young to West Ham? Rommers to Bluewater?

My guess is that baby Kev will be next to go, his voice may not yet have broken but the Addick's sponger will surely not be offered a new contract for next season. Surely.

With the new strike combination of Iwelumo and Varney, the thinking man's Leaburn and Nelson banging in the goals next season, there really will be no need for a man who has spent much of his life either injured, sitting on the bench, or getting into one-one-ones with the keeper and cacking his pants.

Out with the old, Pards you know it makes sense.

2007-05-25T14:25:00.000Z

MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY! SkaFace Is In Town!!!

2007-05-16T18:25:00.001Z

2007-05-11T17:16:00.000Z

'is Okay everybody peeps. i haven't killed meself innit.

just wallowing in it for a week or so...

new post soon.

chin up everyone, innit?

2007-04-22T12:30:00.001Z

2007-04-19T09:40:00.001Z

Click here to get your own player.

2007-04-19T09:38:00.001Z

2007-04-18T21:03:00.001Z

2007-04-18T19:34:00.000Z

PARDS FARTS AT FANS FORUM

"Alan, you filthy bugger!"

"Sorry Muzza, the missus and me had a Moroccan last night"

"Well, Talal has been playing well recently"

2007-04-16T22:27:00.001Z

This is England

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2007-04-16T21:59:00.001Z

2007-04-16T21:50:00.000Z

I've never been one to want managers to rush through young raw talent but

Come on Pards, give this man a place on the bench this Saturday...

Can't be any worse than Lisbo and Jimmy Floyd the Cat.

http://www.cafc.co.uk/newsview.ink?nid=30721

2007-04-14T22:09:00.000Z

So, the steel makers want a fight, eh? Well, they've got one now.
It seems clear that the 'Ammers roll over against fellow strugglers, and battle to the death against the big boys. Sheff Utd's 3-0 demolition of the Londoners today means that Charlton are back in the drop zone...for now.

Sunday 15th April Operation Goodison and all that. Another must win game...I'm getting tired of saying that. But 3 precious points against an in-form Everton would surely give the Addicks the confidence to remain in the Premiership.

With games against Sheffield United, Tottenham, Blackburn and Liverpool following Sunday's tricky away trip it is looking increasingly nervy at the foot of the table.
Fulham's sacking of Coleman couldn't be better timed, Wigan are struggling, and Sheffield United inconsistent it looks to be a real nail biting finale to the 2006/2007 season.

Destiny, as they say, is in Charlton's hands. They need to keep doing what they're doing, grinding out results and keeping the pressure on those who can't handle it.

Anyway, here's SHINS TEAM FOR EVERTON:

Carson

Young
Elk
Diawara
Thatcher

Ambrose
Holland
Song
Rommers

Zheng
D. Bent

(4-4-1-1)

Subs: Randolph, Thomas, Faye, Bougherra & Lisbie

Prediction: 1-1 (Ambrose)

Andrex sales up in SE7

2007-04-09T07:04:00.000Z

Pictures from our Easter Sunday walk around Bath

2007-04-08T08:19:00.000Z

Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on
Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on

D'you wanna be in my gang , my gang, my gang, D'you wanna be in my gang, Oh Yeah
D'you wanna be in my gang , my gang, my gang, D'you wanna be in my gang

I'm the leader, I'm the leader, I'm the leader of the gang I am
I'm the leader, I'm the leader, Well there's no one like the man I am
I can take you high as a kite every single night
I can make you jump out of bed standing on my head

Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on
Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on

Who'd ever believe it, (Come on come on)
Who'd ever believe it, (Come on come on)
Who'd ever believe it, (Come on come on)

D'you wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang,
D'you wanna be in my gang (oh yeah)
D'you wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang,
D'you wanna be in my gang

I'm the leader, I'm the leader, I'm the leader of the gang I am
I'm the leader, I'm the leader, I'm the man who put the bang in gang
I can take you over the hill, ooooh what a thrill
I can make you sell me your soul for my rock and roll

Who'd ever believe it, (Come on come on)
Who'd ever believe it, (Come on come on)
Who'd ever believe it, (Come on come on)

D'you wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang
D'you wanna be in my gang, (oh Yeah)
D'you wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang
D'you wanna be in my gang, (oh Yeah)
D'you wanna be in my gang, a my gang, my gang
D'you wanna be in my gang, (oh Yeah)
D'you wanna be in my gang, a my gang, my gang,
D'you wanna be in my gang, my gang, (my gang)

Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on
Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on
Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on
Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on

2007-03-28T21:31:00.000Z

He's scoring goals in the reserves.
Marcus, Darren and Jimmy are injured.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

2007-03-27T18:34:00.000Z

SHIN'S CELEBRITY CLIENTS
Part One of a very occasional series

Matt Stevens. Bath, England and Karaoke master

David Flatman. Bath

Danny Grewcock, Bath & England

Olly Barkley, Bath & England

2007-03-23T22:52:00.000Z

YYYYEEEEAAAHHHH!!!

2007-03-22T19:46:00.000Z

Gadzooks! Where the beejesus bediddley has this week gone?

My recent hard toil at work has finally paid off. Today I scooped a £52k order. It's nice to get a result after such a stressful month. Here's to a strong April...and less pressure hopefully.
I'm in high danger of burning myself out. I take my work very seriously, I am very driven, I want to succeed. Unfortunately with that work ethic comes high personal goals, and threatened colleagues.

Oh Gawd! You know when you stub your toe getting up in the night? You know how doing that REALLY FREAKIN' SMARTS? Well, I stubbed FOUR of my little toes last night! AAHH the pain! With in one comically bad swipe at an object in my way, I proceeded to miss it completely and smash my right foot against the door architrave. Cue much rolling about and swearing like a docker. M thinks my toes are broken, but that can't be right, it can't. Well, even if it is I ain't goin' to no bleedin' quack again not for no-one, you 'ear me sunshine.

Ahem.

So far at work in the Stationery shop, my wife has had to deal with old men with no bowel or bladder control, Australian drunks with Tourettes, thieving tramps, smelly drug dealers and xenophobic schizophrenics. Not to mention a lecherous boss, a right wing Christian manager and a 40 year old who lives with his Mum.

We've been talking a lot about buggering off somewhere else in the World after M gets her degree in Teaching. It's nice that we at least can consider it. We are young, have no mortgage, no kids, no pets, are not financially dependent on anyone and are both very ambitious. So why not look further afield than Old Blighty? It's not exactly the be all and end all of life. The grass may be greener.
We want to see the world, and we want to see it before we have a child...which, I might add is a LONG way from our thoughts right now...No Sir, no shoulder vomiters for us until M is at least 30.

I've got to find another career too. This industry is getting me down. I need a brainstorm...I've been thinking of all manner of hair brained ways to make a living from inventing board games, game shows, writing a book for kids, growing a vineyard or orchard, inventing a gadget, writing a comedy, revolutionizing social care, disabled caring and homelessness, right through to opening my own shop and doing toons for newspapers. All, I freely admit, fairly flighty considerations but you need to think outside the box, even if the box does seem to fit your rather cuboid physical form.

I have a Saturday off! M has a Saturday off! This Saturday! Wohooooo! A two Mo'Fo'in weekend for me and M then.
We're babysitting my boss' two little girls in the evening so for once I'll get to see highlights of the Charlton game, rather than watch pixelated images on YouTube recorded from some Japanese soccer show.

SHINS FILM RECOMMENDATION OF THE MONTH: 'Rushmore'
Rushmore stars Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray, and doesn't need anymore said other than:
1. It's a unique and frequently hilarious comedy
2. The Missus described it as "An intellectual Napoleon Dynamite"
3. It's got Bill Murray in it.

Go rent it, boy.

One of the myriad of reasons why I love my wife is that she does pick very quirky films for us to watch. There's no way 4 years ago you would have caught me watching films with such noncey titles as: 'Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind', 'I Heart Huckabees' or 'Little Miss Sunshine' but I gave them a bash and I have to say that they are three of the best films I've ever watched. Well done wife. (I'll not mention the two Ewan MacGregor shockers that you made me endure; 'Moulin Rouge' or 'Down with Love', eh?)

I hate PCs. (personal computers, not police consta--No actually I hate them too)

I hate overpaid plumbers and builders.

I hate preachy religious people with a chip on their shoulder and a past they try to conceal.

I hate Lloyds TSB and their complaint avoiding, overdraft charging, daylight thievery ways.

I hate working my gadgers off and STILL having no money.

I hate Gordon Brown, but not as much as Tony Blair and in turn not as much as George Bush.

I hate lack of ambition.

I hate lazy people.

I hate people who list things they hate...

damn.

His garments are rich but he wears them not handsomely

Wicky Wild Wild West...Lukey Youngy has been giraffed into the England squad. Which is only a tad more interesting than The Budget.

Bob Woolmer might have been murdered. Which is sad if true.

The Who keep popping up in my everyday existence and I can't seem to avoid a mention of Keith, Roger, John or Pete. Nor can avoid a track of theirs or an image of the band. Now, this isn't a bad thing, far from it, I LOVE the Who. But it is starting to baffle me. Might be a sign...Maybe, just maybe it's a sign that I'm meant to be the new drummer. Except I can't drum. And they're not looking for a drummer.

Slightly more eerie is the fact that last week I found a 5 pence piece on the ground EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. Now that is odd.

See how exciting my life is?!

I'm off now to draw a new Toon.
Feel free to request something for me to draw if you a) are reading this b) can be bothered to write in and c) are so inclined to believe that you actually think that I'll read your request and action it...

Now Gertcha!

'Op it!

'Orrible kids.

SHIN'S prediction for Next weekend's BIG CRUNCH Game: Charlton 1 Wigan 1

2007-03-20T18:36:00.000Z

The New Jimmy Floyd?

Is it just me, or is new signing Chris Dickson hiding a beer belly behind the ball in this picture?
<------

Well, he may be a slightly trimmer version of our very own cartoon Dutch striker, and with not so much of a vast waistline, or such bulging eyes, or bling. But one thing I do hope of ex Dulwich and Hamlet striker Chris, that he bangs in enough goals in the reserves to dislodge perennial goal avoider Kevin 'Is he still here?' Lisbie.

Come May...Out with the old Pards, out with the old.

2007-03-19T20:10:00.000Z

'Well, what do you know?'

A familiar phrase asked of me over the past few years by my employer.

'How long have you got?' I ask in return.

'About 6 inches' The reply.

Now, that anecdote was neither funny, correct, just or fair. Much like the Iraq invasion which today celebrates it's 4th anniversary, I'm told. Happy flippin' Birthday. I can imagine George Bush sitting in his office with a cake engulfed in flames and with burning plastic figures strewn across the scorched icing, cackling and clinking glasses with Cheney. http://www.guardian.co.uk/Iraq/Story/0,,2037428,00.html

You murderous git wizards.

My Pop told me yesterday that he has found out more about his family, on his Mum's side. He attended a funeral the other day, and in conversation with various relatives, it turns out that my Great Great Grandfather received an OBE. For founding this: http://www.tgwu.org.uk/

upon this discovery I commented that this goes some way to explaining mine his liberal-socialist bent. To which he chortled dryly, then promptly formed a picket line in his lounge.

M has got a job. She works in a stationery shop in Bath. Her colleagues sound like quite diverse people, which is good. I'm ever so proud of her and her resilience.

We've been Skype-ing it up recently too. Skype is great. I had a long web-cam conversation with my Mum yesterday on Mother's Day. It's a great tool for chatting to someone who has family far away (i.e. the US). It's free to download and use. Get it now, your phone bills will diminish.

Aha! We've booked our holiday and Spain. Well I think we did anyway, the bank statement told us otherwise, so I'll have to check that it's all been confirmed. We also want to go to France this year, as well as camping in Devon, Scotland, Prague, Greece, Canada...but that isn't all going to happen. Obviously.

Well, this has all been rather dull. But like Dumbledore's Pensive, it has enabled me to remove some of the temporarily kept and easily forgotten information out of my pre-Alzheimer's brain box.

As a small consolation for such an utter waste of webspace, here's a picture of Keith Moon, circa 1975.

Be good to your bad self.

2007-03-19T19:59:00.000Z

I'm too Zheng Zhi for my shirt

Charlton 2 Newcastle 0

An excellent days work on a cold but sunny Sunday afternoon. Pardew was blessed with the presence of Darren Bent and Herman, with Chinese forward Zheng Zhi given a start wide right. The Magpies looked to be far more threatening in the first half, with Parker, Martins, Emre and Dyer looking to make amends for their midweek capitulation at the hand of...erm...Alka...uhh..Alky...Alkazelter was wahat they needed come Saturday morning and the midfield seemed to out tussle Song and Holland in the midfield. Tactical changes and injuries helped Charlton form a more efficient shape and in the second half, Bent's cross-bar smacking free kick feel kindly for new hero Zheng who looped a header into a virtually empty net. From this, Charlton built, and late on the ever-lively Zheng got hauled back in the area to win a Charlton penalty. Jerome Thomas, enjoying good form at the moment, hammered in an unstoppable rocket.

The excellent second half work rate and the morale boosting 3 points and clean sheet bode well for Charlton's next home game against Wigan. The Lactics have been nervously looking over their shoulders these passed few weeks at the resurgence of the Addicks under Pardew and the new found hunger for victory.
Should Bent, Hasselbaink and Song make successful returns from injury, along with the likes of Reid and Thatcher, Wigan may well have more cause to be anxious.

Sheffield United are in our sights...watch your backs you ugly Northerners!

2007-03-16T19:12:00.001Z

Click here to get your own player.

2007-03-11T22:20:00.000Z

Some things that we discovered in Bath today...Amongst others Priory Park, Widcombe Manor and the Natural Theatre Company. How quaint.

2007-03-11T09:13:00.001Z

2007-03-07T20:28:00.000Z

Crikey!

Here's 80s US Geography based kids show 'Where In The World is Carmen San Diego'

What a theme tune!

Oh Carmen, you sticky fingered filcher!

Thanks for enlightening me on the wonders of US kids TV, M!

2007-03-04T21:07:00.000Z

Lunar eclipse!!!

Did you see it? It was on Saturday night betwixt 20:38 and 00:24. Ah, now you realize why there was a brilliantly clear sky but no moon.

We missed it too, I must admit. But to avoid too much disappointment I dropped my pants and using a Yoga ball to recreate the moment...I think we learned something last night in the end.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! Go on Prince Charles! Hit 'em! Grab Ronald McDonald by his frank and beans! Punch him in the schnoz! Call him a freaky ginger clown! Go on my son!

If you haven't already, check out Bob Dylan's themed radio show, either via the medium of Internet or podcast or, I think sometimes on BBC radio. And if you have been on another planet and managed to avoid anything Russell Brand, go to I-Tunes and subscribe FOR FREE to his excellent podcast...Almost as good as Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant banter, but in a kind of S&M Willy Wonka manner.

Well, what's been going on here then? Well, we got Skype. So this means we can talk to other people with Skype phones or web cams for nothing, free, gratis, nihil, nada.
M speaks to her family more regularly than ever now, which is superb.
I had my first Skype conversations today with Pop, to catch up and with A & E to book the Spain holiday.
Pop has a web cam so I could see him and chat, which was a bit surreal. A web cam is now on the shopping list. Why didn't we get this software sooner??

E didn't get into Grammar school. But that doesn't matter at all. Grammar school is an over rated institution, full of sexually charged teenage boys and queer male teachers who think it's still the 1900s. E is a smart lad, a talented actor and sportsman and will fulfill his educational and social desires at a comprehensive and do just as well than anyone who ever went to a Grammar school. Richard Branson never went to one, and look at the 'harm' it did him (!).
There's too much pressure on kids to perform in this exam, an exam which can determine their whole future. Why can't there be a system that simply allows children to be assessed throughout their time at Primary School, with the cumulative results being the deciding factor as to whether they go on to a 'higher' educational experience.
Why can't there be mixed Grammar schools? Why? WHHHHYYYYYY??

Oh man, I keep having dreams about designing kitchens. Please let them go away. I seldom have dreams of Pamela Andersen doing the breast stoke in a vat of jelly anymore...Bah.

J is up the duff again. So little F will have a half brother or sister. What a crazy mixed up world she lives in already. Poor little cherub. At least she has a family that loves and cares about her.
I just wish she could be saved from the council -cum-pikey lifestyle that has been bestowed upon her not-very-well-thought-out existence.

Bath is full of Italians!
No, I don't mean the cast iron Twyfords tub has our bum pinching friends piled up in it. I got rid of them last week. They began to smell.
I mean that this place attracts Italian folk. It is somewhat like Venice or Florence, so I would guess that is why. Bath is smattered with Italian restaurants, barbers, ice cream parlours, men's tailors and so on. I even play against Italians on the astro-turf on a Monday night. Most of the product I sell is Italian, most of our reps our Italian. And so it goes on.
I'm thinking of slicking my hair over with Dax, growing a tash and acting like a camp Sicilian called Massimo if sales ever slump. I think the local clientèle might fall for that one.

The Addicks had to fight back from the abyss, or Vicarage Lane as it is commonly known, on Saturday. 2-0 down after 20 minutes. Elk and Fortune playing like pansies. Jimmy back to his lazy best. We looked down and out. But Pards "'ad a word" and the boys in red went out and smashed two in to finish the game 2-2. Youngy lashed one in after a superb pass from young Arsenal prodigy and Man of the Match Alex Song and Darren Ambrose nodded one in with little time to spare.
Shame Missbie managed to get on the pitch and squander a golden opportunity to win the game. I wish he'd be sold. I'm pretty sick of the little fella now.
Anyway, another FA cup break, presumably another holiday to Spain? And then Newcastle- At Home. Bring them on.
By then we should have strong squad ready: Carson, Young, Diawara, Bougherra, Thatcher, Ambrose, Song, Holland, Thomas, Bent and Bent (Reid, HH, Zheng, Randolph & Rommers)
We're going to get out of this hole. I can sense it.
Darren prefers a full moon.

That's all for now.

I have little to add, except to say Rest In Peace Aunt Hilda.

Oh, and I love you M. Thanks for putting up with me. Spain here we come!

2007-03-04T20:57:00.000Z

What's up dawg?

Sinister goings on at the Shin's household...

1. Someone breaks the lock to the communal entrance to our flats and hangs up a Portuguese flag on the bannister. Later, presumably the same miscreant defaces my notice to residents that someone was coming to fix the door, by replacing the word Locksmith for 'Cocksmith'.

2. Cat food found in trainers. (There are no cats allowed in the building)

3. Our garden Buddha gnome is decapitated.

Head still to be found...

Sinister acts, or a series of innocent incidents?

2007-03-01T19:14:00.000Z

You are looking at the big swollen sweaty face of 'our' next Prime Minister...Scared? I would be.

But at least he'll make us all feel 'More British'. Won't you Gordon?

2007-02-27T18:53:00.000Z

<--Dicks & Brooks last season

Thank you West Ham.

Thank you.

Thank you for being the most pathetic mob of under performing overpaid roasting Bentley boys that visited the Valley this season. You've re-ignited our fight for Premiership status and given every Addick a spring in his/her step. And for that I will forever be grateful.
It's not very often Charlton score these days, or keep a clean sheet for that matter. But for 11 porkers to roll over and have their teats tickled by the SE7 pansies is quite a rarity.
So rare in fact that unwanted West Ham mascot Julians Dick is offering Curbs advice!
Read here: http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,,2022145,00.html

"Why don't you put Carlton on the list, Curbs...?
The sex offender's list"

Above: Julian Dicks enjoying slimmer days

4-0 (Ambrose, Thomas 2, D. Bent)
The most satisfying win since...1947?

2007-02-24T19:48:00.000Z

Darren Bent, you are a true legend Sir.

2007-02-23T21:46:00.001Z

2007-02-23T20:49:00.000Z

Shins team for the most crucial game of football at the Valley...since Sheffield Wednesday 1998.

CARSON

YOUNG
ELK
HERMAN
THATCHER

ROMMERS
HOLLAND
SONG
HUGHES

BENT
BENT

Subs: ZHENG: RANDOLPH: DIAWARA: FAYE: AMBROSE

It seems odd putting Song in before Faye or Ambrose or Reid, and odd giving Rommers a starting berth in such a crucial game...and Hughes wide right! I've lost the plot...I'm glad I'm not a football manager otherwise I'd start the game with 9 midfielders, Darren Bent and Scott Carson.
No pressure Pards, but this is a big one...a MUST WIN game. I do hope you've given these boys an ultimatum...beat the Hammers or get relegated. Simple as that really. That's how important a result is to us.
I fancy Darren Bent for a goal, Elk or HH for a red card, and a flat performance from the midfield (especially if it's the one I've picked).

Oh Gawd! I'm nervous about this one.

COME ON YOU ADDICKS!

2007-02-22T18:21:00.000Z

Oh, the Bath Cider Festival was an experience...At times sweet, sometimes dry, and occasionally acidic.

But every half pint full was a blessing from the South West's finest apple squashing hop fuelled farms.
Helped every way down the gullet with the hilariously repetitive sounds of the Mangled Wurzels.

Here's a sound bite from one of their more popular live acts....

"I caan't read an I caan't write. But that don't really matter. 'Cos I live in Somerset and I drive a traactor"

Lovely stuff. Cheers my fellow mutton-chopped buffoons!

2007-02-21T22:12:00.000Z

Oh, for crying out loud!

A statue to the iron hearted old hag.

Save us!

(The Baroness at her most animated)

This old bird crushed the spirit of every true Brit.

Now on her last legs and death is out to catch her.

She spoon fed the rich and treated the poor like Sh*t

It's dear old Maggie Thatcher.

Blair wants a state funeral for the plucky old puffin

When she dies this 'Lady' is surely for turning

When she's placed (or chucked) into her coffin

Smiles as Socialists watch her burning

2007-02-08T20:44:00.000Z

Top 3 Laurel Aitken tracks...

1. Bagaboo
2. Landlords and Tennants
3. Skinhead Girl

Check out The Godfather of Ska's Myspace tribute page:
http://www.myspace.com/thegodfatherofska
BOSS!

and for more rude boy riddims check out PAMA:
http://www.myspace.com/scorchers69

2007-02-07T19:38:00.000Z

SHINS CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS

(Part Whatever of an occasional series)

Prince Harry
At Chievely Services...fiddling with the engine of his Audi.

2007-02-05T22:44:00.000Z

Outside The Rocket, 'Modstock' 2004

Wah! What a week.

But to minimize boredom I'll edit it down to just the weekend...

Saturday night, I left work at 5pm after learning of the Charlton result and me and M jumped in the car. 2 hours later we're in Kent, at my Brother's flat. So far so good.
Mum was there, she made cake and got me some vouchers and knitted a scarf for my birfday. She updated us on everything, mostly what Big R has been up to. All I'll say on that one is what a mess...and watch this space.
The Do me and A were going to started at 10pm, so we didn't bother setting off until about 11pm. But by the time we got to the train station the trains had stopped running. FFS! It's 2007 and trains stop running at 11pm...Jeez.
Anyway, rather than fall at the first hurdle we decided to get the bus to Woolwich and see if we could get into town (Islington being our final destination). After witnessing jail bait being rejected from seedy night clubs and a Police drugs bust at petrol station, the bus finally came and we were off.
We finally got to The Rocket club at 2:15am...2:15AM I tell thee.
I hate buses, I hate trains, I hate New Labour, I hate Privatization. However, the journey did give me and A a rare chance to discuss things from irate hoodies to Iraq.

The Allnighter itself was superb. We stayed in the Reggae room and watched a smart collection of Suedeheads, Skinheads and Smoothies of all shapes and size skank to Kerry Foster at the controls. We'd missed Jim Cox, but we'd had enough hurdles to get over that evening and wasn't going to let that get us down. Downing 4 pints of Caffrey's helped get in the spirit, and we were soon stomping.

It's a nice feeling being one of the last left dancing, as the cleaners are sweeping around your shuffling DMs and the bar lights are switched off. But we got our money's worth and it turned out, in the end, to be a great night. Great to bump into K and Kerry and see the usual Sicilians and German rude boys and girls supporting the scene.

The journey back was drawn out, and I've never been so glad to climb into a sleeping bag.

M, E and Ma had a night talking...well Ma talked, the other two nodded. I think M has a slight neck strain now.

On Sunday we saw Pop, N, E and L...we ate like Lords and played stupid games in a relaxed, yet manic environment...such is the welcoming atmosphere there. E is awaiting his 11 Plus results, L is becoming an ironic teenager with the build of a middleweight, N was cheerful despite recent family stress and Pop was Pop; great to talk to and as usual reliable, unflappable and erudite.

I've just got back from kicking a few Italians up the arse on the astro turf pitches up the road. We won by a country mile. And no-one had a flare chucked in their face.

More Italian football related ramblings next time, with Charlton comment, Curbs views and England friendly muse.

And, to make this post a little less tedious here's a picture of Will Self.

Arriba Derche!

A Fat Cricketer

"It only took us 5390 hours of cricket to beat 'em but we did it!"

2007-02-02T19:28:00.000Z

Off to The Rocket, Islington tomorrow night with my brother for a night of scorching Ska, Rude Reggae and Rambunctious Rocksteady.
Jim Cox is at the controls once again for an 60s all-nighter. Can't wait.
I'm going to need a lot of coffee though, I finish work at 5pm have a 3 hour drive then going to hop on the train to town...I hope coffee is enough!

It'll be great seeing brother and E again...and Pop, N, L & E of course.
E has just completed his 11 Plus and awaits a Grammar School place.

I think A needs a night out, he's been a bit stressed recently.

Big Brother has moved in with Mother. He's made a bit of a hash of things these past few years and will need to go some to regain many people's respect.

M has an interview on Tuesday! Yeah!

And I'm top salesman at my new place, helping the company to a record month. It's all going swimmingly.

Good things come to those that wait, I suppose.

Had a great Birthday yesterday, we went to the Botanical Gardens, bought some DVDs and made a veggie tart thing. I know I sound old, but I can't withstand drinking and partying much anymore. Next week's product launch in London with work will be one to avoid then...Doom!

I'm off now for a massive dump.

2007-02-01T11:10:00.000Z

I've recently come to learn that at a Skatalites gig in Islington a couple of years back were Mark Steel, Phill Jupitus, Mark Lamarr and John Hegley. They were all skanking like 4 middle aged white men. Shame I didn't witness that, they must have been up the back...imagine meeting three of your heroes dancing to the music of your heroes.

Great GREAT result for Charlton on Wednesday night. A 1-1 draw at Bolton is not to sniffed at. It gives us a better chancd of scraping clear of the bottom three. Now we need the Whammers and Wigan to continue their poor form, grab a few more wins here and there and we could just make it.
Bougherra is a good signing, I can sense it. Toon coming up soon.
Also Fortune has joined Stoke, Youga Bradford City and Walton to Cardiff all on loans till the end of the season.
Chelsea at the weekend, I wonder if Majid and Song will make an appearance? Another draw would be great, but I can sense an upset coming....Jimmy in the last minute?
Surely not...

Oh, and I'm 26 today.

2007-01-30T19:37:00.000Z

Magic Boogieman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA_Qw9u5qdY

Looks a good buy to me...

Well look at it this way: Elk and Herman or Boogieman and Diawara?

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out the more talented pairing...does it?

2007-01-30T19:22:00.000Z

"Royal, Bayrou au Sarkozy? I am not sure, but I know 'oo I would rather to be stuck in a lift with...hoheehoh!"

Jacques "The Lad" Chirac

2007-01-29T17:15:00.000Z

The Director general of the South East London Clown Football Association.

Coming to a screen near you soon...(ITV I would imagine)

2007-01-22T18:14:00.000Z

Pompey 0 Charlton 1

A Valiant performance and a rare away win for the Addicks who surpised us on three counts.
1. Pards chooses a 4-5-1, with Bald Bent at the top of the Christmas pudding formation. Jimmy Floyd Heffalump sits on the bench (his own reinforced one)

2. The Addicks take the game to a cocky Portmsouth side and surprise them with their grit and attacking abilities.
3. The most unlikely goalscorer on the pitch besides Scott Carson pops up with 11 minutes to spare and lobs one over David James to win the game against his old club.

Step forward, the main architect in these three points, Amady 'Andy' Faye. A talisman at times, a complete tool at others. This was his game, he had a point to prove, he had the bit between his teeth and he had a desire to hit the onion bag...which he managed with little time to spare.
Like many Senegalese internationals, Faye suffers from consistency. He can play a blinder away from home against a confident Harry Redknapp side, then he can perform like Ali Dia for 90 minutes against Wycombe in the cup. A real maverick. Stil, I'd rather 'Andy' in the team than Jimmy Five Bellies.

Bolton on Wednesday 31st...can we capitalise on their recent short comings and grab a win? Can we show the same dogged determination away from home? Can we upset Allardyce's giants and rub their out-of-joint noses in our pile of footballing defication?

Probably not.

Winning a game was nice while it lasted though, wasn't it?

Next time: Bolton comments and TOONS (I promise)

2007-01-18T13:59:00.000Z

Djimi, look into my eyes, not around the eyes...

Pards has his work cut out this Saturday with a trip to the south coast to take on 'Ol 'Arry's Pompey.
It's a tricky away game, with Portsmouth enjoying a lofty position in the Premiership at the moment and Charlton's track record on the road pretty awful. With absentees Darren Bent and Luke Young not helping the Addick's survival fight, this could be an ugly affair with the odd goal separating the two teams.
Ex Addick Djimi Traore is set to play a part for Portsmouth and Ben Thatcher faces Pedro Mendes for the first time since the horror tackle he made whilst playing for Manchester City.

Shins Predicition 1-1

2007-01-16T19:59:00.000Z

Hello folks, here are some pictures of Bath.
OK, so you can stop worrying now...we have somewhere to sleep, stuff to eat, wash our clothes and all that, so really, relax...but please keep sending the money.

The Royal Crescent

Crazy 'orses

Victoria Park

The Garden

Little street

Thanks to my fans (I love you two guys) for the kind comments. I have a scanner now, so new toons are imminent, as is some FOOTBALL comment...I know you both hang on my every word.

Word.

2007-01-05T19:31:00.000Z

The good news is; I'm not dead. Neither is Mrs Shins.
We finally have internet, and we are in Somerset. Lovely.

The bad news is: Charlton face Nottingham Forest tomorrow in the FA Cup.
Cue comical own goal from Djimi Traore, 60 minutes of huff and puff bum-foolery from Big Jimmy and another cup humiliation.

Drop me a line dudes, let me know what's been going on.

Shins
(Alive and well)

2006-12-01T10:25:00.000Z

SHIN's LIVING LEGENDS

Here a few of my most admired living human beings.
'Humph' just about makes it onto the list, not because he isn't worthy, but because he's just about hanging on in there...probably not long till he makes 'Shin's dead legends'...but enough of the morbidity. On with the list:

VIC REEVES

Surrealist, dandy and humour merchant Jim Moir.

MARK STEEL

Socialist comedian and campaigner. A real bloke's bloke.

HUMPHREY LITTLETON

British jazz pioneer and presenter of I'm sorry I haven't a clue.

CHRIS POWELL

Left footed left back and Charlton hero. Ol' Smiler.

CHRIS MORRIS

Controversial satirical writer and performer

Do you agree? is there someone I've missed? Let me know. Send me a comment.

It's awfully lonely here in Shin's World sometimes.

2006-11-30T10:04:00.000Z

INFAMY! INFAMY!

They've all got it in for me

:(

2006-11-28T15:02:00.000Z

Off to Bath via Bristol tomorrow.

M's interview with the Uni is in the afternoon, and I'm going to squeeze in a couple of flat viewings.
I'm not sure whether this is because of lack of staff, and abundance of applicants, or a very harsh induction but why does the interview have to be THREE HOURS LONG???
It's not like she's a terror suspect or anything. In fact, I wouldn't be too surprised if there's water boarding, naked photgraphy and nipple clamps involved. "How much do you REALLY want to join this university?...pass the panel beater Arthur.."

My last day here at work is this Saturday. Lovely.
I'm going to make a cake and bring a bottle of wine. They're going to miss me really, those disorganised bounders.

I got my VW Fox today. Very nice too.
It was, however, delivered over 2 hours late, covered in filth and the bleedin' fold down screen is missing from the drivers side! Gits.
I can't wait to drive it on the motorway tomorrow. It's very much like a more compact Polo, but it certainly does fly. My apologies to the old gentleman on the bicycle in Blackheath.
I was excited OK?
I'll send you some flowers.

M is a little under the weather, she has a nasty cough. Hopefully the requirement for too much talking tomorrow will be minimal. It couldn't have come at a worse time really, first cold in ages though...that's a good diet and lot's of echinachea for you.

Ah, 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue' was hilarious last night...Humphrey Littleton is a genius.

Oh, and Michael Grade has left the Beeeeeeb for the dumbed down ITV. What has this got to do with Charlton I ask? Precious little, I reply.

I'll post a Charlton related entry on Thursday, Addicks. Fear not.

Alan 'Fluff' Freeman: Rest In Peace (pop picker)

2006-11-27T16:29:00.000Z

SHIN'S THINGS Part One:

Anyone want to buy any of the following very cheap articles...?

1. M&S Suit
Navy Blue Size: 38 regular
3 button, 2 pockets
Trousers: 34" waist, Inside leg 31"

2. Ben Sherman blazer
Taylored to a skinny fit from 38 regular
Dark Bloue with white and purple pin stripes
3 button
Gold lining, centre vent, 2 pockets

3. Phillips wearbale digital camera
128Mb/2 Mega pixel
includes software: Arcsoft photoimpression, Arcsoft Collage Creation and Acrobat Reader. For Windows 98 SE/2000/ME/XP or Mac systems OS9 & 10.

4. Yashica camera
FX70 Quartz. Made in Japan.
Black with case and strap

Offers welcome...

bassmunke@hotmail.com

2006-11-27T10:48:00.000Z

They love you Andy!

Charlton 1 Everton 1

2006-11-25T13:45:00.000Z

Line up for Everton:

38 Carson

02 Young
15 El Karkouri
03 Hreidarsson
22 Traore

19 Rommedahl
08 Holland
04 Faye
05 Reid
11 Ambrose

10 Bent

Substitutes
36 Myhre, 06 Kishishev, 07 Bent, 29 Sam, 24 Fortune

2006-11-22T13:55:00.000Z

POWELL TO RETURN?

Latest rumours persist regarding the return of Charlton legend Christopher 'Cosy' Powell.
Many predict Chris, 84, will return to the Valley as Les Reed's right hand man. He is under contract with Watford and currently injured, but would surely welcome an opportunity to learn the coaching ropes, get his badges and continue as back up at left back.

To be continued.............

2006-11-21T14:42:00.000Z

Shin's Line Up for EVERTON (H) Saturday 12:45pm.

Yet another 'must win' game.

CARSON

YOUNG
ELK (last chance saloon)
DIAWARA
HH (last chance saloon)

SAM
HOLLAND
FAYE
REID
THOMAS

D. BENT

4-5-1 formation

Give Sam a start, HH and Elk are on their final warnings, Faye and Holland to sweep up in centre mid with Reid drifting around behind Benty.

Subs: Andersen: Rommers: M.Bent: Kishishev: Sorondo.
Rommers to replace Sam or Thomas in 2nd half, Kish to replace Holland in CM, Sorondo to keep both Elk and Herman on their toes.

2006-11-21T12:31:00.000Z

Look at this baby!

It's my new VW 'Fox'...in RED!
Woohoo! It's Charlton through and through:

It looks great in red, albeit a bit chunky
It's small
It's cheap
It doesn't make a lot of noise on the road
It has a decent size boot (arf arf...eh?)
AND it's called a Fox, and we get a lot of them in South East London....errr.

Watch my sides, I'm a walking razor.

2006-11-20T13:50:00.000Z

Another loss, another woeful performance leaves Charlton fans blubbing like babies, throwing their toys out of the cot and pooping in their under-crackers.

We're officially relegation fodder.
We've lost against Reading, scraped a draw against Watford and Newcastle and bent over for Aston flippin' Villa.
There is discord in the ranks, trouble at the top and a tiny mule with wheels instead of hooves licking the paint off of a window sill. Go away Sidney, eat some grass.

Let's draw a line under Saturday's capitulation and look to Saturday; A home game against the Blue scousers, thank Allah we're not playing away again.

'The Championship' looms ever nearer, it's been a long time since we were down there, we've all become rather accustomed to the upper eschelons of the footballing fraternity and are obviously reluctant to relinquish our status.
I'm fairly phylosophical about the prospect of playing Stoke, Colchester and Plymouth...at the moment. However, I am sure come what May (!) should we be punished for a season of on-field ineptitude and banished to the second tier I too will be crying like a two year old at the London Dungeons and feeling immense guilt for sacrificing my lofty North Stand seat for a life of rolling West Country hills and Cider.